Helping individuals “earn” secure attachment takes vision
This article is written for clinicians wishing to facilitate the Earned Secure Attachment (ESA) process. However, other readers may also find it helpful.
As children we are entirely dependent on the adults around us. A secure attachment to at least one caring adult helps establish necessary capacities and skills to later navigate the complex world of adulthood. Unfortunately, for many, a secure attachment may not have formed early enough in life. Without adequate protection from a reliable caregiver, such people may have become insecurely attached. This may, for instance, threaten their sense of belonging or an ability to appropriately trust themselves and others. Later during adulthood, they may attempt different things, for instance, engaging in harmful coping strategies, partnering with problematic individuals, etc. Their intention being to obtain what they, as adults, unconsciously feel is the way towards a secure attachment but which only makes life worse for them. However, just because a person did not receive secure attachment during their early developmental years does not mean they cannot at least begin the process of acquiring an authentic sense of secure attachment during adulthood. In fact, it can happen via a process called Earned Secure Attachment (ESA), which has, as we shall see, the potential to change people’s lives. It can, and perhaps also should, change attitudes overall within clinical practices.
ESA occurs when a state of insecure attachment brought about by adverse childhood experiences over a period of time (Felitti & Anda, 2010) works towards a transformation to secure attachment (Bowlby, 1973). It is achieved by the person who, at one stage in their life, understandably and justifiably had an insecure attachment to their significant primary caregivers. But after doing a lot of hard internal work over time the individual “earns” some sense of security and so is less likely to fit the description of someone with an insecure attachment (Siegel & Hartzell, 2004). This transition, albeit a relatively slow, gradual and at times psycho-emotionally painful metamorphosis, is understood as earning security post early insecure attachment.
The notion of ESA is embryonic, articulated only since the early to mid 1990s. For example, Pearson, Cohn, Cowan and Cowan (1994) examined “earned-secure”, “continuous-secure”, or “insecure” parenting styles. These three adult attachment working models are readily comprehensible just by their labels. Contrary to what some may suspect, ESA did not die with the 1990s. The first to chronicle a procedure for identifying earned-secure attachment was in 2014 with Zaccagnino and colleagues’ study on adolescents entitled “Alternative Caregiving Figures and their Role on Adult Attachment Representations”. Employing a lifespan approach, they challenge the deterministic position by offering a more optimistic standpoint towards a person’s potential emotional development. They propose a normalisation of earning a more secure attachment if one puts in the effort to earn it all while getting adequate support.
ESA is firmly rooted in reality. It should not be viewed simply as a dormant theoretical or philosophical fantasy destined to remain as a closed-off intellectual posture, laced with false optimism. ESA does happen in real life, as revealed in certain studies (e.g., McCormack, White & Cuenca, 2016; Zaccagnino, et al., 2014) and in my own clinical practice.
It is tempting to refer to ESA as being the final product. But there is no such thing as “the final product” of anything that involves psychological and emotional attachment issues. This is because such issues are constantly evolving. But if ESA is to have any chance of taking hold, it needs to begin with the clinician’s own internal, conscious attitude. Facilitating the ESA process for a client begins with a specific attitude or mental outlook which needs to be consciously adopted as a “vision” by the therapist within the clinical setting. This “vision” belongs to a set of principled values embodied by the clinician. For example, the clinician willingly and voluntarily embraces the principle of faith in a particular person’s capacity for change, which in turn informs their clinical work. They also need to envision how that change would logically unfold for that specific person in the long, medium and short term.
Timing needs to be sensitively gauged. The clinician’s vision of a better existence for the person they are caring for is not immediately shared as the first step. The clinician must first get ‘in tune’ with that person and their ability to comprehend, accept, absorb and follow up within incremental, observable changes to their own behaviour. The ultimate goal of the clinician is to be the engine behind assisting that person to no longer remain with what they were given earlier in life, i.e. an insecure attachment, but work towards a more secure attachment by “earning”. If the therapist’s vision is accurate and matches what their client is eventually capable of then we can say that the process towards earned-secure attachment has begun.
The client’s role in the ESA process is to commit to and persist in common therapeutic activities that, for example, raise their self esteem, or focus on building inner reserves to develop insight into their own conditioning and how they became insecurely attached. This can happen via, for instance, keeping a journal which can have a positive impact on self-growth (Fritson, 2008). The roles of clinician and client, if appropriately carried out, should produce outcomes in line with an initial level of secure attachment, thus enabling the client to reach certain observable goals. For example, to not only avoid being attracted to toxic friendships or dysfunctional partners but upon detection be repulsed by them.
ESA practices demand a healthy level of imagination for both clinician and client. Few outline the exact mechanics of the ESA process because, unlike CBT, there is no ‘how-to’ guide as it varies for each individual. Still some clinicians may feel frustrated by the lack of precise mechanics for ESA interventions. Perhaps a suitable metaphor is ‘clinician as sea captain’ steering the boat (i.e., the vision) to where the client can find safer waters and better fishing opportunities (i.e., the ESA goodies). This continues until clients feel they can navigate their own lives and choices. ESA acts as an opportunity to get intentional. To actively choose, rather than drift.
ESA is more likely to take hold if the clinician has the clinical wisdom, the lived experience of ESA itself, or both. They must be willing to proactively participate in supporting and not just hoping for a better future for the client. The clinician needs to have a well-founded vision to map out the direction their client could take, using well-timed cumulative steps according to client capacity and readiness. That is, so clients veer away from habitual self-destructive patterns (as a result of insecure attachment) while incrementally navigating towards a well-earned, better life script. Although this mental outlook begins with clinician as “sea captain” quietly and methodically steering the boat, it is ultimately navigated and authored by the client. That is, after acquiring sufficient strength, self-belief, insight, skills, motivation, desire and proven capacity to move towards ESA, the client should end up commanding their own vessel. Ultimately, insecurely attached clients are empowered (joining with the clinician’s belief in them) to sail towards a better existence.
Unlike with CBT, ESA practices do not guarantee or profess to offer an instant answer to people’s problems. There’s no one size fits all in terms of what internal work one needs to do or for how long before one begins to beneficially drift from the label of insecure attachment. Clinical interventions within ESA have to be tailored to the needs arising from the individual’s history and the conditions that allowed that individual’s predisposition to take hold within early and current psycho-social environments.
However, we could safely say that universally, ESA practices potentially help reduce one’s former sense of isolation, alienation or loneliness. Therefore, ESA could also be understood as a phenomenological process due to the meaning-making involved, unique to each individual. As such, ESA practices are relevant to not just individuals, but also organisations working with such people seeking support and hope. That is, anybody working directly or indirectly with populations with a history of insecure attachment or complex trauma.
Working towards ESA is a powerful, self-generated internal experience capable of assisting individuals starting out in life with insecure attachment, to rise above and beyond what they started out with. Because it offers people a way to deeply revise their inner selves, the ESA process demands our attention and support. “Earning” secure attachment may feel odd to even the most experienced clinician because if you personally did not need to earn it how can you coach, transfer or transmit it? That’s why it takes (well-informed and trauma-informed) vision to help people earn secure attachment authentically, not just in name.
For those seeking clues on the type of actions or behaviours of individuals striving towards ESA, please see my resource website. It is based on my clinical experience and the research of others, and although not directly about ESA there are hints by way of quick Tips and Tasks associated with those on a path towards ESA.
This article was originally published in Mind Cafe, February, 2022, Issue 77. (Some modifications were made to the original article to suit a general readership).
Selected References:
Bowlby, J. (1973). Separation: Anxiety & anger. Attachment and loss. London: Hogarth Press.
Felitti, V. J., & Anda, R. F. (2010). The relationship of adverse childhood experiences to adult medical disease, psychiatric disorders and sexual behaviour: implications for healthcare. In R. A. Lanius, E. Vermetten, & C. Pain, The impact of early life trauma on health and disease: The hidden epidemic (pp. 77–87). Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
Fritson, K. K.(2008). Impact of Journaling on Students’ Self-Efficacy and Locus of Control. InSight: A Journal of Scholarly Teaching, v3, 75–83.
McCormack, L., White, S., Cuenca, J. (2016). A fractured journey of growth: making meaning of a ‘Broken’ childhood and parental mental ill-health. Community, Work & Family.
Pearson, J., Cohn, D., Cowan, P., & Cowan, C. (1994). Earned- and continuous-security in adult attachment: Relation to depressive symptomatology and parenting style. Development and Psychopathology, 6(2), 359–373.
Siegel, D. J., Hartzell, M. (2004). Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive. New York: Penguin.
Zaccagnino, M., Cussino. M., Saunders, R. Jacobvitz, D.,Veglia, F. (2014). Alternative Caregiving Figures and their Role on Adult Attachment Representations. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy. 21, 276–287.
